Best parenting advice was giving myself permission to stop pumping. I loved nursing, hated pumping. Trying to do it all and work a demanding job wasn't setting anyone up for success. Worst parenting advice is always sleep when the baby sleeps. Just stop. Nobody is sleeping. Period.
Just wanted to say thank you so much for this post, Sri! As a new parent and book lover, you can imagine how tempting it is for me to always consume parenting books. You’ve provided a really helpful lens to apply when reading this kind of material. I also really want to think more about what values are central to my parenting - love what you said about what three things would you want your adult child to espouse that you would be most proud of.
I also agree with Kuleigh’s comment above that the worst advice is to sleep when the baby sleeps! Sometimes, sure. But recently one of my friends said “When the baby is asleep, do things you can’t do while they’re awake.” For me, that often means working out, reading, or doing something else that allows me to get into a flow state and take care of myself.
So glad this was helpful, Tyece! And yep, pre-baby it seems really practical to "sleep when the baby sleeps" but when you're in the trenches the advice is laughable. I think on ONE lucky day, I was able to sneak in a nap at the same time. ONCE.
I like your friend's (realistic) version 100x better!
My golden rule with evaluating a parenting book is to evaluate the big picture of where the advice is coming from and where it's trying to get me
So a book could be about discipline, and have a heavy focus on time outs. I'd throw that book out, because it's not going to get me where I want to go, which is a safe relationship with my kid where they come to me with their big feelings and problems rather than feeling they need to deal with them alone
Similarly, a book about sleep training with rigid schedules would get thrown out, because it's not coming from the solid evidence base of how babies naturally sleep.
I'm actually so passionate about this topic! I hate that there are so many people getting crap advice about parenting that leads to anxiety or stress about doing it wrong. The truth is most parenting books and parenting advice falls into two camps. 1. good advice that works for most kids and families but not others, and which can be replaced with other good advice without any harm. 2. crap advice that works for a very small fraction of people, and which gets spread anyway
I’m nodding along to all your points, Beck! Do you follow the parenting influencers on Instagram? I know that’s where so many people get their parenting information and unfortunately, the nature of the platform itself, means short form videos which doesn’t delve deeper into the nuances of advice. And of course some of it is entirely false!
I actively don't (except for a very small handful). I know I should so that I can better arm myself to combat the bad advice out there, but I just can't.
Parenting books were so tough for me when I had an infant! I was a single mom and wanted to throw the book across the room every time a partner was mentioned, lol. Also, we'd get into a routine and then I'd read a book about how I was doing everything wrong. UGH. Tricky.
Yes, I don't think I was in the headspace to read any parenting books that first year. It's one thing navigating a relationship with a child; it's another to literally just keep a tiny baby alive and healthy. I remember reading Moms on Call when my kid was 4 months old (bad sleep regression!) and I was desperate for schedule and sleep advice. The tone totally turned me off. I think it's still collecting dust somewhere.
Best parenting advice was giving myself permission to stop pumping. I loved nursing, hated pumping. Trying to do it all and work a demanding job wasn't setting anyone up for success. Worst parenting advice is always sleep when the baby sleeps. Just stop. Nobody is sleeping. Period.
Pumping was so hard for me, I didn't last very long with it at all. And I hated it so much, I didn't even regret stopping.
Same! Loved nursing, hated pumping (I was always afraid someone was going to walk in on me at work, lol)
Just wanted to say thank you so much for this post, Sri! As a new parent and book lover, you can imagine how tempting it is for me to always consume parenting books. You’ve provided a really helpful lens to apply when reading this kind of material. I also really want to think more about what values are central to my parenting - love what you said about what three things would you want your adult child to espouse that you would be most proud of.
I also agree with Kuleigh’s comment above that the worst advice is to sleep when the baby sleeps! Sometimes, sure. But recently one of my friends said “When the baby is asleep, do things you can’t do while they’re awake.” For me, that often means working out, reading, or doing something else that allows me to get into a flow state and take care of myself.
So glad this was helpful, Tyece! And yep, pre-baby it seems really practical to "sleep when the baby sleeps" but when you're in the trenches the advice is laughable. I think on ONE lucky day, I was able to sneak in a nap at the same time. ONCE.
I like your friend's (realistic) version 100x better!
My golden rule with evaluating a parenting book is to evaluate the big picture of where the advice is coming from and where it's trying to get me
So a book could be about discipline, and have a heavy focus on time outs. I'd throw that book out, because it's not going to get me where I want to go, which is a safe relationship with my kid where they come to me with their big feelings and problems rather than feeling they need to deal with them alone
Similarly, a book about sleep training with rigid schedules would get thrown out, because it's not coming from the solid evidence base of how babies naturally sleep.
I'm actually so passionate about this topic! I hate that there are so many people getting crap advice about parenting that leads to anxiety or stress about doing it wrong. The truth is most parenting books and parenting advice falls into two camps. 1. good advice that works for most kids and families but not others, and which can be replaced with other good advice without any harm. 2. crap advice that works for a very small fraction of people, and which gets spread anyway
I’m nodding along to all your points, Beck! Do you follow the parenting influencers on Instagram? I know that’s where so many people get their parenting information and unfortunately, the nature of the platform itself, means short form videos which doesn’t delve deeper into the nuances of advice. And of course some of it is entirely false!
I actively don't (except for a very small handful). I know I should so that I can better arm myself to combat the bad advice out there, but I just can't.
You’re probably a much saner person than I 😅
Love this, Sri! And thanks for sharing Emily's interview!
It was fantastic and the timing couldn't have been more perfect!
Parenting books were so tough for me when I had an infant! I was a single mom and wanted to throw the book across the room every time a partner was mentioned, lol. Also, we'd get into a routine and then I'd read a book about how I was doing everything wrong. UGH. Tricky.
Yes, I don't think I was in the headspace to read any parenting books that first year. It's one thing navigating a relationship with a child; it's another to literally just keep a tiny baby alive and healthy. I remember reading Moms on Call when my kid was 4 months old (bad sleep regression!) and I was desperate for schedule and sleep advice. The tone totally turned me off. I think it's still collecting dust somewhere.