4 Children's Books About Loneliness

And how deep its claws can go

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper

I know a lonely kid. But loneliness that started young has grown like pestilence, seeping into his bloodstream and grafting into bone. I’ve heaved and heaved at trying to get my friend out of this cage but it’s as tall as a skyscraper and just as iron-wrought. So instead, I reach between the bars and offer whatever warmth and antidote I can. One joke, one hug at a time. It’s hard to open a cage when the lock is on the inside.

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Whenever kids—strangers to one another—befriend each other on the whim of a smile, I feel unadulterated elation. I know a secret these kids don’t: one day, many years from now, it’ll take more than a ball heading your way or a stick generously offered to make a new friend. Sometimes, when the conditions are just right, it really might just take the whim of a smile (or, more likely, an eye-roll) to make a new friend. But those moments are rare and when they happen, you grab them with both hands and value them more than gold.

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Loneliness has been on my mind lately. It’s something I’ve, and I’m sure just about everyone reading this, has struggled with. But l’ve been pondering the different colors and flavors of loneliness. There’s the loneliness that settles deep at your core. And there’s also the fleeting variety of loneliness—a summer storm on an otherwise bright, shining day. So I’ve devoted a selection of books to this topic. Even though kids seem to find friends so easily, they still grapple with bouts of loneliness and doubt too. So today’s list, entirely incomplete in capturing every brand of lonely, is just the starting point. But books are amongst the best of friends so let’s chip away at the feeling of forlorness together, one book at a time.

Outside In

Written by Deborah Underwood and Illustrated by Cindy Derby

Recommended Ages: 4+ years old

The book gently explores, quite literally, the tension between the inside world and the outside world. A glimpse into a young girl’s day demonstrates how interconnected inside life is with outside life even as it feels disconnected. How the food we eat is grown Outside; how it creeps in through our windows to play with us; and the sensory richness of Outside. The text is lyrical but sparse—it’s the illustrations that set the mood. Inside is shown in shades of gray and blue, isolating and shadowed. The Outside is radiant with bright colors, painted across the page with the strokes of brushes and flower stems, beseeching us to join it.

So what does this book have to do with loneliness? There’s a loneliness to the book—the girl, along with her four-legged sidekick, are shown separated from life. Vibrant life thrums outside her door with butterflies, sunshine, and fragrant flowers. Sometimes it’s not easy to fix loneliness; you might feel alone, but that doesn’t mean you can just conjure up a friend (or can you? Keep reading this newsletter!). But the Outside is always there to comfort you and awe you. It takes what you have to give and gives it back tenfold. I think that’s a pretty miraculous way to feel engulfed with love. It’s a reminder to our kids that loneliness is a part of life, but if you just walk out the door, respite and restoration await.

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A New Kind of Wild

Written and Illustrated by Zara González Hoang

Recommended Ages: 5-8 years

Ren is wild—his imagination knows no limits and his brand of wild can only be found in the jungle where he lives. So when he has to move with his mother to the big city, not only is he lonely but he also feels displaced. In the city, he can’t run wild with his imagination untethered like he could in the jungle. His neighbor, Ava, a girl his age, doesn’t understand Ren. She shows him the magic of her city and how all its concrete forms a wild jungle of its own. But Ren doesn’t see it or feel it. One day, Ren sees Ava playing outside with the same spontaneity and joy he felt in the jungle. So Ren asks Ava to show him her jungle, again. The pages of this book sparkle with the joy Ren feels in his home and the light and colors dim as we see him suffer in his new city. But if you look closely, you can see the little curls of color waiting to burst forward. One of the beauties of this book is not just the loneliness Ren feels being in a new place—it’s the agony of not feeling at home. That’s a sense of loneliness that is truly urgent and can only be fixed from within. And as Ren learns, it takes patience, friendship, and a willingness to find wild everywhere.

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Imaginary Fred

Written by Eoin Colfer and Illustrated by Oliver Jeffers

Recommended Ages: 6-9 years old

Many a book has been written about finding a friend as the cure to loneliness, especially for kids. They’re not wrong of course but there’s an angle to it that’s missing. What about imaginary friends? What about the humans who “when the conditions are just right” concoct a friend perfectly suited to them? And what about the imaginary friend’s story? If you’ve ever wondered about the mechanics of imaginary friends (as I’m sure many of you have), this is the book for you. Fred loves being an imaginary friend but knows that no matter how good a friend he is, his days are numbered. Some day his human friend will find real-life friends and he’ll fade in a matter of days as he’s forgotten. Enter Sammi, a human friend unlike any Fred has met. The lore of this pseudo-fantastical story and the charm of its trustworthy but slightly woe-me-gone (see what I did there?!) main character, will warm the recesses of your heart. Oliver Jeffers’ utterly captivating illustrations are an absolute DELIGHT. The story and quirky pencil artwork will charm you and inspire nostalgia for the lonely, imagined friends of childhood.

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Too Many Pumpkins

Written by Linda White and Illustrated by Megan Lloyd

Recommended Ages: 6-10 years old

Rebecca Estelle, a rather grumpy, old lady, hates pumpkins. Always has, and always will. When she was just a young girl, Rebecca Estelle vowed never to eat pumpkins, so she’s held by her vow into her old age, until… a truck of pumpkins accidentally spills and smashes pumpkins in her front yard. A woman who hates pumpkins now has LOTS and LOTS of pumpkins to contend with. So what do you do when life gives you pumpkins? You make LOTS and LOTS of pumpkin pies! And then invite the entire community to partake in them, of course! It’s a story that reminds me of the adage that a “way to a man’s heart is through the stomach,”—but we all know, that the way to anyone’s heart is through their stomach. These pumpkins are almost serendipitous as they pave the metaphorical path to town. This happy accident gives Rebecca Estelle a chance to open the doors of her life and let her (literal) village in.

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Let’s talk…

• When was the last time you felt lonely?

• How have you helped your kid manage feeling lonely?

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