7 Books for Kids (And Caregivers) Who Have Separation Anxiety
Recently, when I was dropping off my daughter at daycare, I noticed a mom and dad outside crying. They had just dropped off their baby boy at daycare for the very first time. It brought me back to the day we did the same. My husband and I walked around dazed and it felt like a limb was missing. There were sporadic tears. A lot of staring at the clock, urging time to pass more quickly. Then when we got our hands on our daughter again she was drowning in hugs and kisses. She probably thought we were crazy. Although today’s post is primarily about separation anxiety in kids, I hope we approach it with grace and empathy recalling how we felt when we left the dearest thing in the world to us in another’s care.
P.S. I hope you’ll share what it was like for you when you first experienced separation anxiety in the comments at the end of the post
For the kids who miss their caregivers when they go to work…
In My Heart
Written by Mackenzie Porter | Illustrated by Jenny Lovlie
Recommended Ages: 1-4 years
This little rhyming book is so touching it made me emotional. The story frames separation from a mother’s standpoint. A mom relates how much she misses her child and all the ways, throughout the day, the mom remembers and feels connected to them and recites a mantra to help her feel better about not being with her baby. And, at the very end, the mom reminds the child that the child can use the mantra too when they are missing the mom. This could be an opportunity to discuss a mantra you and your kids would like to use when you are missing one another. I loved this book for its diversity—the characters shown reflect the diverse world we live in and it’s great for kids to see that in the books they read as well. The illustrations are exquisite. Simple but with beautiful little details and lovely patterns.
Links to buy: Bookshop | Amazon
Bye-Bye Time
Written by Elizabeth Verdick | Illustrated by Marieka Heinlen
Recommended Ages: 1-4 years
I’ve recommended Toddler Tools series before and I highly recommend them all. They all do a wonderful job of explaining behaviors and emotions in a healthy way that kids will understand. This book is no different! In this story, a young girl doesn’t want to leave her family in the morning to go to school. To encourage her, her parents walk her through a good-bye routine and remind her that she can let out her emotions and get support at school if she needs it. If this is something your kid struggles with, this practice may be helpful for you to do: some private gesture, mantra, interaction that is just for the good-bye routine to make them feel confident and prepared for the separation. A few things I really liked about this book is that it acknowledged that even if a kid manages the initial separation well there may be times later on when they struggle and those emotions are okay. Like with all Toddler Tools books the characters shown are diverse and the illustrations are bright and colorful.
Links to buy English version: Bookshop | Amazon
Links to buy bilingual version: Bookshop | Amazon
The Kiss Box
Written by Bonnie Ingber Verburg | Illustrated by Henry Cole
Recommended Ages: 3-6 years
Mama Bear and Little Bear have a picnic and discuss what it will be like when Mama Bear goes away for a little while. Little Bear is worried about missing Mama Bear but she reassures him by telling him that she will leave 100 kisses for him to “use” whenever he needs to feel her presence while she’s away. Little Bear decides to create a kiss box where he can store 100 kisses for Mama Bear to use when she misses him. Mama Bear does the same for Little Bear and they exchange kisses through their boxes whenever they’re apart. This is a strategy often recommended by experts: to exchange items that can build connection between the caregiver and the child even while they’re apart. As adults, we often have our phones with us and can quickly peruse our kids’ photos when we miss them or even call to talk but, for many of us, our young kids do not have phones and no way to independently connect with us. This can be a way to help relieve some of the anxiety a kid faces when they separate from their adult. The watercolor illustrations are sweet and cozy. They’ll make you want to curl up in a nook and cuddle your kid.
Link to buy: Amazon
I’ll Always Come Back To You
Written by Carmen Tafolla | Illustrated by Grace Zong
Recommended Ages: 4-8 years
This gorgeous book is a heartwarming, funny, rhyming reminder to kids that their caregivers will always return to them. Mom lets her daughter know that no matter what she (Mom) needs to do or where she needs to go, she will always come back to her daughter. What ensues is a hilarious recounting of all the crazy things Mom may be up to before returning home. At the heart of this story is that the love Mom has for her daughter is so strong that no matter how crazy her day is, the best part is coming home to her kid. A fun way to incorporate this would be to brainstorm together some of the craziest things that could happen that you would overcome to get back to your kid. It’s a lovely way to remind them how much you care. The gouache illustrations are stunning and vibrant and a treat for the eyes. Zong really brings to life the kookiness of Tafolla’s characters in a way kids are sure to appreciate.
Links to buy: Bookshop | Amazon
For kids who miss their caregivers when they go to school…
Mila Wants To Go To School
Written by Judith Koppens | Illustrated by Anouk Nijs
Recommended Ages: 2-5 years
This little book turns separation anxiety on its head. Mila is excited for her first day of school but her dad (separated from her mom) is not quite as excited to let Mila go. To delay the inevitable, Daddy dawdles along the morning routine and Mila gently reminds him that no matter what, he’ll always be her Daddy. It’s a sweet read that shows the child providing comfort to the parent. So much of separation anxiety is focused on the child that children may not even realize how hard it is for the adults in their life to separate from them! This book could be a great conversation starter to discuss your feelings when you separate from your child and how you overcome those feelings. While the illustrations are cute and show diverse characters, some of the illustrations are rather stereotypical. In spite of that, I would still recommend this book as a way to share how separation anxiety can go both ways.
Links to buy: Bookshop | Amazon
Jake Starts School
Written and Illustrated by Michael Wright
Recommended Ages: 4-8 years
The Jake books are irresistible. They’re humorous and honest and generally delightful. This book will put a smile on your face as it rhymes you through Jake’s first day of school. As Jake gets ready for his first day, you can already see the trepidation on his face. Once he and his parents arrive at school, Jake quickly realizes he does NOT want his parents to leave. And so his parents join him at school and what follows is a hysterically funny first day of school. When Jake realizes that there are some things at school he just can’t do while holding onto his parents, he finally lets go. This book addresses separation anxiety to a certain extent but it’s also about first-day jitters. Sometimes separation anxiety can mask a fear of the unknown. To help uncover and discuss this fear, you can ask your kid: Why do you think Jake didn’t want to let his parents go? What made him decide to let them go? What would you have done in Jake’s shoes? Wright’s cartoon artwork does a great job capturing the hilarity of Jake’s day and the parents’ expressions are priceless. He does an excellent job balancing the humor of the situation with its underlying reality.
Link to buy: Amazon
For kids who miss their emotional support objects…
I’ll Never Let You Go
Written and Illustrated by Marianne Richmond
Recommended Ages: 3-7 years
We often think about separation anxiety as it relates to caregivers and children but it can also happen when kids lose or leave behind beloved, cherished items like dolls, loveys, and blankies. Edward is a little bear who loves his Blankie. So when his mom suggests that Blankie won’t be able to go with him to school, Edward is horrified and very sad. To help Blankie not feel sad, Edward and his mom brainstorm ways to keep Blankie busy so he won’t be too sad. If you and your child find yourselves in a similar situation, come up with fun ways to keep your kid’s favorite toy / object occupied! It’s another reminder to your child that separation goes both ways and is a natural part of life. The illustrations are lovely—pencil drawings overlaid with watercolor in soft hues make for very gentle, easy-on-the-eyes artwork.
Link to buy: Amazon
What was it like when you left your kid in someone else’s care for the first time?
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